Saddest:

[mightyjesse]

Not that anyone will have noticed (hopefully), but I got a phone call that stopped me in my tracks yesterday. My friend Bobby died.

My brain doesn't really know what to make of it. He wasn't that much older than me, for goodness sake. And he was so strong and loud and healthy.

I'm kinda coming up emotionally blank on this one. I know I will be sad eventually, but my gut still hasn't really accepted the fact that he's gone and we'll never sit beside a fire again trading stories and getting drunk of the half gallon of liquor we're SUPPOSED to be GUARDING. (No place safer than in our bellies...)

He found me at the edge of a Timberwolf party 11 years ago and introduced me to pretty much everyone I know in the Swamp. He is probably one of the biggest reasons I kept coming to Pennsic year after year. Had he not introduced me to Kindred and Timberwolf and Rogues, I would not have had so much fun as to invest all the time and energy into this SCA hobby of mine as I have. I would never have met my Friediness.

I haven't seen him around Pennsic for years now... And then just last year, he came back. And we talked and talked. We had lots of catching up to do. I told him what I had been doing for the last 7 years, and he shared with me likewise. Trading stories and experiences and accomplishments, we renewed our friendship last War, and it was one of the few things that actually went RIGHT for me this year. Had I known it was going to be the last time I talked to him, I don't think I would have said anything differently. For that, I will be eternally grateful. He mused that he was proud of the woman I grew into, and I told him that I was pleased with the family man and knight he had become. Gruff though it may have been, we told each other how we felt, and our hearts smiled. We thought we would meet again next year, and even made plans for it. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, but I've never really been good at those anyway.

I probably won't feel any way about this for a while yet. Probably not until Pennsic. I will go to a Timberwolf party and he will not be there. Then maybe I will cry.

I will save up stories about him, and when his daughter is old enough, I will tell her. Bobby would like that, I think.

Comments

[ragincajunette.livejournal.com]

Aww, Jesse... I'm so sorry for your loss. At least you did have that time to catch up and say all the amazing things you did to each other. Some people never get that chance before someone they love is gone.

[liz-bet.livejournal.com]

Not that anyone will have noticed (hopefully)
Only if not noticing included thinking it was perfectly normal that you looked like you had just been hit by a cement truck :/ You had your Friediness's hand holding yours, and at least to me, it seemed like what you really needed was to just curl into his lap.. which I'm sure you did when you got home. I've heard you tell many fun stories about your adventures with Sarnac, and he sounds like someone very very special. I'm so sorry. Let me know if you need anything, including just listening to you tell some more fun stories about such an awesome man.

[mightyjesse.livejournal.com]

Yeah... This is probably the most inappropriate time ever to remember, but he was one of my most wickedly pleased yet enthusiastically grossed out supporters in that one game of strip-twister at Timberwolf, lo, these many years ago. He was thrilled that I was kicking ass and taking names and not losing my shirt... And he was enthusiastically grossed out that my very large and manly opponents were stripped to their underwear and forced to mingle in a disconcerting display of masculine closeness that proved that none of them were homophobic...

The thing that is saddest for us and happiest for him is that I don't think he had reason to regret a damn thing. He was goodest and sweetest, and did everything full bore with a naughty twinkle in his eye.

[feeferj.livejournal.com]

Oh God. So sorry, darlin'. I know that doesn't help much, but call me if you need me.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry.

[lord-gorthaur.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and the loss it is for everyone else that loved him. He sounds like a great guy and I'm happy that you two at least had the chance to catch up and have a great time togother. Something to be cherished to be sure.

[tinkcph.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, sweetie. He sounds like a soul that was worth knowing. I know how it feels when you can't quite wrap your brain around a loss like that.

I can't get over how many truly good people we've lost this year.

[roguewords.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm sorry to hear that darlin. I think you and deense, are missing the same person right now.

[krkhst.livejournal.com]

5 years or so ago, I had a similiar visit. My best friend had died in a car wreck. We hadn't been able to be in person for a year or two before I lost her, and when I heard the news, I just couldn't feel anything. No tears, no pain, no joy, nothing - blank. Shock I think it is. It takes awhile to feel real, takes awhile to sink in, and now, while I've accepted her death, there are days when a song comes on the radio and I find tears in my eyes because I'm thinking of her. I understand where you are, and if you later feel the need to talk about him here, I will read, and here, and enjoy the person he was through your stories.

[mightyjesse.livejournal.com]

I suspect she is also missing Sarnac/Bobby. The entry is locked so I can't see, but since she's in the SCA and from Canada, I suspect she would have known Sarnac.

Thanks for pointing that out.

[mightyjesse.livejournal.com]

Right now they're creating a memory book for his daughter. I would love to contribute, but unfortunately, due to the nature of our association, I'm having trouble coming up with a memory of Bobby that would be appropriate for an 8 year old. *sigh* Hopefully, something will come to me in the next couple of days.

"So one night, your father and I were sitting there, totally obliterated..."

[mightyjesse.livejournal.com]

I feel VERY lucky in that our last conversation was so good. I think I would probably feel a lot worse if I hadn't had that chance to tell him how much I had missed him these last couple years. Having said that, if he's out there, I think he can put together how much he'll be missed now.

[kalakittie.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

[fencert.livejournal.com]

Whatever was it that laid him low? Natural causes or accident?

[pseudicide.livejournal.com]

Yeah, i lock posts like that.

He was a wonderful man. I met him 11 years ago too,k at pennsic, in the swamp. I was camped in the corner with the Farengold's, and it was my first Pennsic. He has always been one of the loveliest people, and I'm sorry I'm so far away in Australia now and not there.

It's one of the saddest things i've heard in a very long time. I'll miss his smile, his laugh, and his hugs for a very very long time.

[mightyjesse.livejournal.com]

Pulmonary embolism... however that's spelled.