Why did I do that?

[mightyjesse]

I wanted a cigarette ALL DAY. (I spent the afternoon doing bills, and usually that requires that I chain smoke. It's working on my day off AND worrying about how little money I've got AT THE SAME TIME.) So finally, even though the NEED to smoke wasn't there, I let myself go outside and try to have a cigarette.

It made me kinda high, but it wasn't the all encompassing euphoric high I remember from the last time I quit smoking and then started again. Actually this time, the high was overpowered by the nasty taste in my mouth. I had about three puffs before I gave up.

So a week without the drugs and a week without any smokes (until the 3 puffs today.) and I guess I'm officially a retired smoker. That little exercize in foolishness was just enough to make me cross with myself because:

1. It wasn't as fun as it used to be. In fact it was exactly as gross as it was when I was on the special medicine. I should have smoked enough while I was ON the Chantix to remember that it was gross, but part of me was convinced that it was only gross because of the Chantix. Turns out, smoking is actually gross. That disappoints me.
2. Now I have to start the clock all over again with the N days since my last cigarette... I'm back to 0 even though I barely smoked at all... I gave into the urge to light something on fire and put it in my face. If I'm going to do that I really should be practicing my fire breathing for Pennsic.

*sigh*

Comments

[tinkcph.livejournal.com]

Well, if you think smoking is gross too then we're all on the same page here. I think that's well worth the present zero. Sometimes you have to stick your head in the pot to make sure it's actually boiling.

[rmitz.livejournal.com]

Little slipups are irrelevent. Welcome to the fold.

[othelianna.livejournal.com]

Hoorah!

(Yes. I agree. Smoking is gross.)